


you made me feel again

by starfired



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: 5 + 1, 5 Times, F/M, i just think they’re neat, it’s actually +2 but shhhh, nick can’t articulate his feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24845986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starfired/pseuds/starfired
Summary: (after the last time didn’t think that i could love)a 5 times nick almost said “i love you” + the 1 (actually 2) time(s) he did fic.
Relationships: Nick Burkhardt/Adalind Schade
Comments: 7
Kudos: 89





	you made me feel again

**_(one)_**

**__**

One week after he comes back from Germany and they’ve settled into an easy rhythm it hits him.

**__**

_He loves her._

**__**

Nick Burkhardt loves Adalind Schade.

**__**

The realization had happened one night while they sat watching tv, an innocent enough activity that one wouldn’t think it could bring about potentially life altering declarations. If he ever got that far, that was. But Nick had managed to restrain himself from just blurting it out the next time Adalind’s laugh echoed throughout the loft.

**__**

Just barely though.

**__**

**__**

**———**

**__**

_**(two)** _

**__**

Three days after Nick’s revelation he and Adalind find themselves in bed for the second time.

**__**

(Technically third, but they don’t count the first time.)

**__**

He hadn’t been planning on sleeping with her again, or sleeping with her so soon after his return that was. Nick had wanted to give them both some time to think about what exactly was going on between them, to figure out if they wanted to pursue a relationship.

**__**

But he hadn’t factored in how seeing Adalind wearing his shirt would make all thoughts of thinking things through and taking things slowly disappear from his mind as though they had never occurred. The last time she had worn one of his shirts he had forced himself not to look at her, somehow knowing that doing so would change things between them. At least in his mind.

**__**

Now he was allowed to look, and though he had seen far more skin than his shirt showed, there was something about this that felt different. The way the hem hung tantalizingly against her thighs, thighs which were bare because despite the cold of the loft she had forgone pants, — or had just forgotten to bring some into the bathroom with her again —and Nick couldn’t seem to get his mind to stop thinking about how soft her skin was. How nice it had felt to have those very thighs wrapped around him.

**__**

When she climbed into bed he quirked an eyebrow at her attire and she had blushed and said she ran out of clothes again. Nick couldn’t remember anything else that was said, his mind replaying the last time he had witnessed her skin flush that pretty pink color, his eyes following the trail it made down her neck and to the top of her chest.

**__**

He knows he made the first move, brushing a strand of her hair back from her face before using that leverage to pull her to him, his mouth claiming hers. It hadn’t taken long for her to respond, her mouth opening to his with a quiet sigh.

**__**

He may not have been planning on this, but Nick knew that he wasn’t opposed to it happening, again and again and again. For the briefest minute he thought that maybe she had given him some sort of love potion because he’d never felt a lust like this before. She made him feel insatiable, like no matter how much he got he still was left wanting more.

**__**

He never found himself addicted to the noises someone could make before. Didn’t really think it was possible, but here he was. Almost craving the sounds Adalind made, the quiet gasps, the moans that she tried to keep silent, the way she said his name. That one made him feel possessive, made his blood run hot, made his heart clench and flip and a whole sort of activity that probably wasn’t very healthy. He loved the whining noise she made when he teased her, the slight pout she would take on when she didn’t get her way or he made her wait.

**__**

She could be very impatient, which Nick loved to exploit. Until she turned it on him, then he would curse himself for making her beg.

**__**

After they were both left breathless, her hand rest against his heart that was beating wildly against his chest while his brushed soothingly down her side, her head resting on his shoulder. Adalind hummed, tilting her head to brush a kiss against his sweat slicked skin and releasing a contented sigh.

**__**

Nick felt that feeling again, starting where her hand rested against his body and traveling upwards until it was pressing against his teeth, trying to fight its way out. He tried to tell himself that it was too soon, he wasn’t sure yet and he needed to be sure before he could say anything to her. There things that needed to be addressed and talked about, and him saying those words would only complicate things more.

**__**

So he kept quiet, allowing Adalind’s now slow breathing to lull him to sleep.

**__**

**__**

**———**

**__**

_**(three)** _

**__**

After Adalind tells him that she’s a Hexenbiest again he wants to tell her.

**__**

This time the words aren’t fighting to get out, he doesn’t feel a desperate need to say them, he just wants to. But something about it feels wrong, like he would only be saying them to prove something to her. Or himself.

**__**

He doesn’t like that thought, so he keeps his mouth shut, tries to reassure her as best as he can without those words. Using other words ( _I would never hurt you_ ) and physical contact (he’s slightly surprised how easy it is to hold her hand and pull her to him to brush a kiss against her hair) to try and communicate to her as best as he can.

**__**

He hopes it’s enough.

**__**

**__**

**———**

**__**

_**(four)** _

**__**

The next time Nick feels those three words bubbling up his throat, making their way to his mouth and just _begging_ to grace his lips is when he holds her in his arms for the first time since she left him to live with Renard.

**__**

(He knows she had no choice, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t hurt by the decision.)

**__**

She had asked to see him and he had come running, ignoring the survival instincts from his ancestors that said this could be a trap. And maybe if this was the Adalind from a few years ago it would be, but this was _his_ Adalind and he could hear the desperation and longing in her voice. The same desperation and longing that ran through his own body, crying out in his heart and his head, driving him to the brink but refusing to throw him over the edge.

**__**

So she called and he ran right into her arms.

**__**

He wanted to drown in her kiss, he wanted the world to swallow them up, right here right now, and keep them forever intertwined in each other’s embrace.

**__**

Seeing the engagement ring on her finger filled him with anger and sadness. The anger he expected, that she was forced to wear a ring from another man set his teeth on edge and almost made him see red. The sadness was unexpected, it was a longing ache deep in his bones that he hadn’t realized he could feel and it suddenly made sense. The only engagement ring she should be wearing should be from him.

**__**

When Hank calls and tells him about Renard’s plan is when he feels the words on the tip of his tongue. Nick knows that he wouldn’t be saying it out of fear that he’s never going to see her again and he knows that she wouldn’t think that way either, but he can’t make himself say the words because it feels like it would feel cheap. And Adalind deserves more than that from him.

**__**

So he kisses her long and deep, holding her to him so tightly he’s afraid he’s left bruises, and he hopes that’s enough. Hopes she can see it in his eyes, in his kiss, and in the way he holds her.

**__**

He makes a promise to himself as he’s leaving that the next time he sees her he’ll tell her exactly how much she means to him.

**__**

**__**

**———**

**__**

_**(five)** _

**__**

_They should do this more often_ , Nick thought as he watched Adalind walk around the hotel room getting ready for bed. He hadn’t realized that they had never done anything as a couple until Rosalee had called and invited them for the weekend. Even though they had brought Kelly it was still a nice little getaway.

**__**

Spending the day with his friends, drinking at the bar — reminiscing about his and Monroe’s first meeting — and then having dinner together had been so normal that it had felt a little strange. But it was nice to do something normal, to not have to worry about Wesen or their uprisings or magical sticks and strange unknown symbols. Nice to be out with the people he cared about most in the world, and just have a good time together. To be able to smile and joke around and share a laugh.

**__**

_Yeah_ , Nick thought, smiling at Adalind as she finally joined him in bed, _they would definitely have to do this more often_. He watched as Adalind texted Sean, checking to see how Diana was doing, because she put her phone down and turned to him.

**__**

“We’re so lucky to have friends like these,” she says, moving her body so she was closer to him, practically sprawled across his body. His arm came around her naturally, resting on her shoulder as he pulled her closer.

**__**

He brought his other hand up to her face, brushing her hair back and returning her smile, “Yeah, and for us to have us.”

**__**

He realized as he kissed her that those words were as close to saying _I love you_ , as he come before. Well, maybe he had come close when he had said _I almost went crazy without you_. But it still made him pause, why hadn’t he said them to her yet? What was stopping him? He knew he loved her, had known it for a long time now. Hell, even _Eve_ knew it. Yet he still hadn’t said anything, still hadn’t been able to let the words fall freely from his lips like they so often now begged to do.

**__**

To distract himself from the rabbit hole that was slowly becoming his thoughts he brought up the waiter with the familiar looking face, taking off his watch to occupy his hands and his eyes, almost afraid of the secrets they would tell her. Afraid to know what they had already told her.

**__**

And maybe that was it, maybe he didn’t feel like he had to say them because his actions already did. She had to know how he felt, Nick assured himself. How could she not? If everyone around them had been able to pick up on his feelings towards the blonde Hexenbiest then surely she herself must have too.

**__**

He let those thoughts fill his mind, that Adalind didn’t need him to say anything, — and it’s not like he wasn’t going to not say them, because he was, it’s just that he hadn’t seemed to find the right moment — as he settled into her embrace, allowing himself to get lost in her kiss and her touch.

**__**

And maybe in the morning, inspired by the beauty that surrounded them, Nick would tell Adalind that he loved her.

**__**

_Yes_ , he resolved to himself, _in the morning_.

**__**

**__**

**———**

**__**

_**(+one)** _

**__**

It was the end of the world and he had finally gathered the courage to say the three words that had been haunting him since she had first said them over a year ago.

**__**

He hadn’t planned on saying them, had actually tried to avoid saying them all night. It felt too cliché to say them, like if he said them then something bad _would_ happen just because he had dared defy the universe by being happy and in love.

**__**

So every time he felt the words slowly creeping up his throat he swallowed them back down.

**__**

Before he had gone through the mirror, he had almost whispered them into her hair during the first but what could have been their last hug. Her eyes had been filling with tears the moment he decided he would be the one to go through the mirror after Eve, the words _please don’t go_ left unspoken between them, but were so loud in her blue, _so blue_ , eyes. He pulled her into him — it was one of the first times he had touched her so intimately in front of their friends and he hoped it wouldn’t be the last — wrapping his arms around her, a silent exchange of the first time he left ( _you better come back_ , _I will_ ), passing between them in that one moment.

**__**

And then he’d gone through the mirror and as he stood on the other side, he wished he had said them.

**__**

Coming back through and the immediate aftermath didn’t leave much time for him to think about what he should have said, not until he was watching her tuck in Diana. _The quiet before the storm_ , his brain supplies unhelpfully to his already growing anxiety. He tells Adalind about the cottage and the plan and of course she argues with him, and he wishes he could have her near, wishes he could be the one staying with her and the children, but he can’t. He needs to stop this thing before it can reach his family. And if he has to trust _Sean_ of all people with his family’s wellbeing, then so be it. As long as they’re safe.

**__**

As long as she’s safe.

**__**

The drive to the cottage is silent, they’re both too busy thinking about all of the what if’s to carry a conversation with one another. In a way he’s grateful, he doesn’t know if he’d be able to deal with Adalind’s anxiety spiraling the way he is usually able to because his anxiety is just as bad. And both of them spiraling is not what they need, not what the world needs. So he keeps quiet, and so does she and it’s somehow almost comforting.

**__**

He tells Kelly loves him and his son just stares at him the way he usually does when Nick says those words to him, but Nick likes to believe that Kelly knows and understands just how much Nick loves him. Since the first time he held Kelly in his arms, he’s felt a love he never thought possible and he knew from that moment on that he would do anything to protect his child, and to make sure that Kelly knew every day that he was so, so loved.

**__**

He turns to Adalind and for the second time that night he pulls her into what could possibly be their last hug. It lasts longer than any that have come before it, Nick finding himself unable to let go. He tries to memorize how she feels, soft and firm and her hair that is always so soft and smells floral and earthy and warm.

**__**

He lets go before he can change his mind he makes his way upstairs and out of the cottage, ready to get in his Land Cruiser and leave and possibly die trying to keep his family safe when he hears her running after him, calling his name.

**__**

_I thought I lost you once already tonight. Be careful_.

**__**

He pulls her into him, his hand finding its way into her hair as his lips meet hers. It’s soft and slow, but somehow one of the most passionate and urgent ones they’ve shared. Nick finds himself wishing for more time, just a few more minutes so his mouth will forever be imprinted by hers. That’s all he needs, to remember the way her hair feels like silk between his fingers and the way her breath always stutters when he kisses her unexpectedly like this. Just a little more time.

**__**

But there isn’t. And too soon he’s pulling away, his forehead resting briefly against hers not wanting to open his eyes and face reality.

**__**

When he does open them, he stares into hers and suddenly he’s seeing every moment he should have told her. Every moment he could have told her. They run through his mind, an endless loop of missed and wasted opportunities and he’s never felt so stupid in his life.

**__**

He loves her.

**__**

_He loves her_.

**__**

Nick Burkhardt loves Adalind Schade, clichés be damned. End of the world be damned.

**__**

“I love you,” he finally, _finally_ , says. He pours everything that he is into it, everything he feels into those three words.

**__**

Her eyes are once again filled with tears when she all but whispers them back, as easy as taking a breath, and he hugs her again, and this one is for the last time.

**__**

It feels like goodbye, final in a way he’s been trying to avoid all night, so he holds her tight and closes his eyes and he prays to whoever can hear him that it isn’t.

**__**

**__**

**———**

**__**

_**(+two)** _

**__**

_You’re alive._

**__**

The first words he spoke to her when he came back from the Other Place, filled with awe and happiness and shock and many more emotions Nick doesn’t have the words to articulate. But it doesn’t matter because she’s here and and she’s real and she’s _alive_. They’re all alive.

**__**

His mouth hurts from all the smiling he’s been doing all night, even as he recounted to his friends, _his family_ , what had happened he couldn’t keep the smile at bay. So relieved to see them all here, all so alive.

**__**

He can’t seem to keep his eyes or hands off her, afraid that if he looks away for too long she’ll disappear. That if he doesn’t keep her within arms reach — if not in his own arms — that she’ll fall to the floor, dead.

**__**

Later that night as they lay in bed he holds her as close as he can, his nose pressed into the top of her head, breathing in the scent he’s come to love so much. Her hand, now ring of the cursed engagement ring, is resting against his chest, on top of where is heart beats out a steady rhythm. His fingers trail down her shoulder to her mid bicep and back up, drawing lazy circles in an attempt to memorize the softness of her skin. He moves his head slightly to press a kiss into her hair and Adalind hums in response, shifting herself so her eyes meet his, a smile gracing her lips that Nick readily responds to with his own.

**__**

He moves again so he can brush his lips against hers, deepening the kiss when Adalind’s hand comes up to tangle in his hair. He pulls away before it can go any further and Adalind makes a small noise of protest that causes Nick to huffs out a laugh, giving her a quick peck before pulling away again.

**__**

“I love you,” he says, bringing his hand up to brush her hair back from her face, his fingers then tracing their way down her neck until they rest back on her shoulder.

**__**

Adalind leans up to kiss him again then pulls back slightly to rest her forehead against his, the room is silent, filled only with their and Kelly’s quiet breathing. Her eyes are closed, taking in his words and allowing them to wash over her, savoring the warm feeling that spreads throughout her body. Nick watches, his eyes taking in the small smile that appeared as she registered what he had said, his fingers unconsciously beginning to trace patterns on her shoulder again as he waits for her response.

**__**

“I love you,” she breathes out, and Nick realizes that it’s the same way she had responded in the Other Place. The words seem to dance from her lips, so easily falling that he’s almost jealous of how it seems to take so little effort for her to say them. He wonders, briefly, how it’s so easy for her to love him, to give herself to him so fully, despite everything that had come before this.

**__**

He smiles when she opens her eyes, moving his hand to run his fingers through her hair as she rests her head on his shoulder again, releasing a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

**__**

This time it doesn’t feel like goodbye.

**__**

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello again! I honestly wasn’t expecting to write another fic for them so soon — or ever again, really — but, uh, here it is. I actually wrote the first +1 in my head and the idea wouldn’t leave me alone until I wrote this. So, here it is.
> 
> (title is from the song blue blood by laurel)


End file.
